I think you have major depressive disorder Donald

That’s why it is so hard

Think also about your choices and what do you want your priorities to be
-survival
-pleasure
-relationships
-looking for a new job
-just taking a break and just resting for a while until you figure life out

No worries

How are you coping? Where do you live?

Hey I forgot to ask what’s your zip code in Clear Lake, it’s to put down the cc details. Thank you.

Have you been ok?

Ah I tried the Nasa one and it worked, hehehe!

Oh that sounds so sad! Poor guy! Is Erin ok?

Sure can you come this Friday for now? 10.30 am?

We are meeting at 12.30 pm

🤞😺

Don I have been thinking deeply about our session. I would love for you to contemplate these questions:

When you are with your wife, what kind of man do you feel like?
When you are with your current partner, what part of you comes alive?
What disappears emotionally when you enter the kink world?
What does responsibility feel like in your body?
What did 17-year-old you never get to become?
What happens inside you when someone tries to help organize your life?
What feeling usually comes right before you escape into porn, fantasy, weed, kink, or avoidance?
What would happen if your identity could not revolve around sexuality anymore?
Do you experience stability as safety or as death?
What kind of father do you believe your daughters experience you as?
What part of you is terrified to fully grow up?
What do you unconsciously believe women expect from you?
If nobody judged your sexuality, what problems would still remain in your life?
What does your current lifestyle protect you from confronting?
Who are you when nobody is desiring you sexually?
What feels more painful to you: feeling controlled or feeling abandoned?
When do you feel most ashamed of yourself?
What emotions feel almost impossible for you to stay with without escaping?
What did you need emotionally at 17 that nobody gave you?
What does freedom mean to you emotionally and psychologically?
What does commitment mean to you emotionally and psychologically?
What part of adult life feels deadening or unbearable to you?
What do you fear would happen if you became fully responsible, structured, and emotionally present?
What role does rebellion play in your identity?
What do you fear people would see if you stopped hiding behind sexuality, fantasy, or rebellion?

Also I have been analysing and thinking about masculinity with the many men I work with and just like you they haven’t had the right guidance when they needed it the most and these are my general notes:

Healthy masculinity is not domination, rebellion, emotional shutdown, or escape from responsibility. It is not about proving power through sex, control, avoidance, fantasy, or intensity.
Healthy masculinity is the ability to remain connected to yourself, your body, your emotions, your responsibilities, and the people you love without collapsing, disappearing, or needing to escape.
A healthy man can:
• tolerate discomfort without running away
• regulate himself emotionally
• stay present during stress
• take accountability
• repair after mistakes
• create structure and stability
• protect and care for himself and others
• experience sexuality without losing himself inside it
• remain connected to reality while still feeling alive, playful, sexual, and free
• feel emotions without becoming emotionally flooded or emotionally absent
• integrate strength with tenderness
• integrate freedom with responsibility
• integrate sexuality with intimacy
• integrate individuality with commitment
Healthy masculinity is not perfection. It is emotional and psychological integration.
A 17-year-old boy still deeply needs guidance, structure, protection, emotional presence, and containment from both parents, even if he acts independent or rebellious.
From a father or father figure, a teenage boy often needs:
• guidance into adulthood
• structure and consistency
• emotional steadiness
• discipline without humiliation
• encouragement and belief in him
• someone who helps him tolerate failure without collapsing
• modeling of responsibility and emotional regulation
• help channeling aggression, sexuality, ambition, and uncertainty
• a sense that masculinity is not something shameful or dangerous
• initiation into adulthood rather than abandonment into adulthood
From a mother, a teenage boy often still needs:
• emotional warmth
• attunement
• encouragement
• care without over-control
• reassurance that he is lovable even when struggling
• emotional safety
• support without engulfment
• emotional availability during periods of confusion, shame, failure, and identity formation
A 17-year-old who loses guidance, containment, emotional presence, or structure during a critical developmental period may struggle later with:
• identity
• emotional regulation
• responsibility
• intimacy
• self-worth
• direction
• addiction or compulsive behaviors
• avoidance
• developmental stagnation
• confusion about masculinity and adulthood
Sometimes the adult keeps searching for the structure, freedom, rebellion, validation, or identity that was never fully integrated during adolescence.

We are getting somewhere

Some other thoughts:

I honestly think this goes much deeper than kink, sexuality, or choosing between two women. I think this is about identity, emotional development, feeling alive, masculinity, structure, and the split between freedom and adulthood.
When we spoke about you at 17, it really hit me how much instability, loneliness, lack of guidance, loss, and emotional abandonment there was at such an important age. That’s still a very young age psychologically. Boys still need direction, support, grounding, emotional presence, structure, and help becoming men.
I think different relationships activate different parts of you.

Your marriage probably represented:

structure
adulthood
stability
routines
functioning
grounding
health
responsibility

At the same time, I completely understand how part of you may have experienced that as emotionally heavy, disconnected, pressured, sexless, restrictive, or dead over time.

Then this other relationship may represent:

freedom
sexuality
rebellion
intensity
feeling desired
emotional escape
feeling alive
less pressure
less expectations
less judgment

What concerns me is not your sexuality. What concerns me is the decline in overall functioning:

sleep
work
motivation
routines
structure
finances
health
emotional regulation
consistency
fatherhood

That tells me this is much bigger than sex.

What really stood out to me in session is how much you shifted when you connected to the stronger adult self. Your whole energy changed. You looked more grounded, clear, capable, emotionally present, calm, and solid.

I think the goal is:

integration
emotional maturity
stability
grounding
structure
identity
embodiment
responsibility
healthy masculinity
emotional aliveness
freedom with accountability
sexuality integrated into a full adult life instead of becoming the entire identity

I think the work is helping the adult part of you become strong enough to hold the overwhelmed teenager part instead of the teenager running the whole system.

Lamictal is also given for seizures and bipolar. When you have a mental illness ketamine it might exacerbate your symptoms so it’s contraindicated. It has nothing to do with you as a client. They are concerned about the interaction with Lamictal. How many g are you taking?
I know my own psychiatrist told me I’m not allowed to do ketamine.

I only have you at 11.30 am

Interesting it shows both, crazy system, I’m sorry for that, it looks confusing.

Continue using the A/B/C task system, but focus especially on completing one important “A” task per day instead of overwhelming yourself.

Does that sound manageable?

And I truly believe that, at this moment, one session per week for an hour and a half is more than enough. Real change does not only happen inside the therapy room, it happens in daily life, through consistency, structure, accountability, and small repeated actions over time.

Sure

I wil

You too

Oh noooo

I’m so sorry man that sucks

Let’s meet tomorow if you get better

Hey Don, let’s meet next week if that’s ok. I don’t have any availability today but I’m pretty relaxed next week. What would work?

+KAh I didn’t put that in. Can we change it just for next week, is that ok?

Hello we are meeting at 9.00 am

I still have time time later

Hey Donald are you around?

++Would you like to come tomorrow at 1.30 pm?

Ah ok

+"What’s the earliest you can do?

Thank you!

Let’s do that

Let me get back to you with my schedule

Hope you get to rest ❤️

No worries!

Ok I will delete it now

Sorry for that

Have you been ok?

I am going to see my mama in Romania but I am back the last week of July. What would work then?

I will thank you 🙏

Hey man

I’m truly sorry to hear that you’ve run out of money. I did receive your message—I was just extremely busy, but I finally have a little time to reply.

Is it okay if I ask how you’ve been doing? Are you still living with your girlfriend? How are things with your wife? Did you end up getting divorced? Do you have a plan, or do you have a clearer idea of what you want to do moving forward?

Also, were you able to get unemployment benefits? I’d really like to hear what’s been happening with you.

This keeps your voice while making the message flow a bit more naturally.